16 Comments
User's avatar
Philip Ruge-Jones's avatar

I'll face south and think of you all on Sunday. Hope some bit of joy is found as you gather.

Lois Fulton's avatar

Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s really powerful x

Anne's avatar

You can joke with me about marrying a younger man, Pam. Mr. J is 2 1/2 years younger than me. And when we first started dating, I was 32 and he was 29 and I lied and told all my friends he was 30! 62 is shockingly young to not remember the love of your life. I am so very sorry. Thinking of you on your first summer solstice and Father's Day in this new reality of yours. Sending hugs and love.

Pam Johnston's avatar

This made me laugh, Anne, because I can totally imagine myself doing the same thing at 32. (As if dating a man in his 20s were like dating a teenager, because 32 is SO much more mature. 😂) There was a time when 62 sounded so old to me. Now, of course, I realize how young Mike and I are to be on this leg of the journey.

Anne's avatar

Oh, I am so glad this made you laugh. That was my intention. My 59 year old self find this hilarious as well. It’s not like he was 19. But it seemed so important at the time.

BetterOffRed's avatar

62 is very young. My heart is sad for you.

Watched some psych-Dr describing best coping mechanism for "whatever seasons you"re in," and agree with your initial assessment that the term is inaccurate. Romantic like Frank Sinatra singing, A Very Good Year.

I hope Sunday gives Mike and your whole family joy (in whatever small measure). Hugs.

Pam Johnston's avatar

Thank you. I always appreciate long-distance hugs of support. ❤️

Searching for the Words's avatar

I hear in your writing some of the resignation I’ve been feeling lately; this is life. It sucks, but the world turns, we get older, and eventually - one way or the other - we die. I’m so sorry Pam. I pray that Sunday has some sparks of joy for all of you.

Pam Johnston's avatar

Thank you, Patricia. It will be lovely to have everyone together for a while, in spite of everything else.

Viva Mogi, MPA's avatar

What a beautiful story. My mom for sure has no idea how long it has been since I saw her. I see her once a week and sometimes a few times but she has no idea & often asks when I’ll come see her. Though, when I’m there, she is so happy & I know it makes a difference in her overall health. While she doesn’t remember, I know her body remembers

SECOND BABA: On Dad Daughters's avatar

Such a heartfelt and bold piece! Thank you for sharing.

R O B Y N's avatar

My mom is in memory care. She has dementia. Losing someone before their body is gone is so hard. Thank you for sharing.

Victoria's avatar

Hugs, Pam. Thank you for sharing this so openly. I appreciate how you reframed 'seasons' back to our humanity, and away from the calendar. I really feel for you, and at the same time, I can't help but be impressed by how you reflect on and navigate, caring for Mike and your family.

Could you share your article in the comments of our 'Caregiving for a spouse/partner discussion"?

Pat phelps's avatar

Thinking of you and glad you’ll all be together on Father’s Day.

Stephanie Cox's avatar

Been thinking of you and Mike a lot lately. Big hugs

Jodi Sh. Doff's avatar

I think of these as chapters. Caring for mom is a longer chapter than I'd expected it to be, but I know there will be another chapter, several, after she's gone. Caring for a spouse is a whole other level of readjusting. I feel cheated out of the holiday dinners, I miss "family" and sure I could go and have someone stay with mom, but it's not the same and I think that would only make it worse. I know you understand. This year, for her 96th birthday (with dementia) her aide got her something silly and treated her to ice cream. I did nothing, outwardly. Inwardly i noted and thought and remembered.

I'm going to DM you. I'd love if you'd consider being part of an upcoming monthly video series of conversations with caregivers.